英語政治短文：如何管理貓狗

If any other cat has more food in its bowl, then any self-respecting cat will resent you for not intervening on its behalf. Cats are a bit conservative by nature, but will eventually move house if they think they can get a better deal.

如果其他貓的碗裏有更多的事物，任何一個有自尊心的貓將會討厭你沒有代表它去處理食物分配不均。貓們天性保守，但是如果意識到會給自己帶來更大利益的時候，它們會最終離開原來的地盤。

Cats are convinced that they are smarter than you are. They are always quick to offer you policy advice. Cats don't like being yelled at. They expect to be reasoned with or bribed.

貓們堅信它們比你更聰明。他們總能給你提供政治建議。貓不喜歡被人大聲吼叫。他們喜歡被說服或者被討好。

Every cat has its own agenda and they expect to deal with you as an individual. Cats like to be consulted—it shows that you respect them.

每隻貓都有自己的安排，他們期望把你作爲個體來處理。貓們喜歡你找他們商議，因爲這樣做表明你很尊重他們。

The key to being a leader of cats is to appeal to their vanity and self interest. Always tell your cats how wonderful they are. If they start a campaign to save old forests then you should convert to environmentalism at once. Humor them when they bury their shit in an effort to convince you it doesn't stink.

成爲貓們的領導最重要的一點是滿足他們的虛榮心和個人利益。對貓們要不停地誇讚。如果他們想保護古老的森林，那麼你應該把這件事上升到環保主義的`高度。如果他們把便便埋起來，證明這樣做不會有臭味，你應對此遷就附和一下。

And always make sure that their houses rise in value and that their interest rates are low. Under no circumstances should you bark at them. While dogs need to believe that you are one of the pack, cats don't care how you live.

要確保的是他們的房子在增值而他們的利率是低的。在任何情況下你都不應該對他們吼叫。雖然狗們需要相信你是羣體裏的一員，但是貓們卻不關心你的生存方式。

A cat's mind their own business and will only bother you when they're bored or at election time when they'll hover around the refrigerator clawing at your legs. If food doesn't appear on demand, a hungry cat is likely to go pleasing someone else. It's your choice.

貓只會關心自己的事情，只有當他們覺得無聊的時候，比如選舉的時候，纔會在冰箱前用爪子撓你的腿。如果要求的食物沒有即使出現，一隻飢餓的貓可能會去取悅另一個人。這是你的選擇。

So by now you're probably wondering whether you have to choose. Is it possible to have both cats and dogs?

Yes. In fact, you can't win an election without keeping a few of both groups.

說到這裏，也許你正在思考自己是否不得不去選擇。會不會你同時要領導貓們和狗們呢？是的，事實上，沒有他們共同的力量，你不會在選舉中獲勝。

Perhaps the best strategy is to keep your dogs happy with plenty of barking, chasing, and chewing while saving the big bribes for the cats.

也許最好的策略是讓狗們快樂地吠叫，追逐和咀嚼的同時，保證給貓們個人利益。